Life...D0n'T taK3 !t aWaY...

almost done...

2006-08-16T22:12:00.000+07:00

the IWM will be done in a few days. its ok but i feel good here now. i mean, who would like to go home and be welcomed by "final examination" of a class you don't know what to answer. hay...

my only goal right now is to finish my chem assignment, i hope i'll do good on it, at least. my mom is reading me and my dad some article right now. my dad's asleep and i'm typing!!! ahahahah, rude!!! there's nothing much that had happened. well we had a banquet last night. it was ok, i'll try to post some pics if i have time.

gotta go now, i really need to finish my chem assignment.

je be s'exciter sur etat foyer!!! hahahah!!! i hope the grammar's right!!!

nairobi

2006-08-07T01:23:00.000+07:00

i'm now here in nairobi. we are having mission institute. it's ok, i guess. but i'm so bored in here!!! i mean, terribly bored. i'm kinda ok now, not as bad as last week. i can breathe easier and my cough is not that hard anymore. i mean, i'm not barking anymore.

ok, new stuff...
my bro got his green card already. i think that is totally cool
my cam's broken (i think this is an old story, i'm so stupid i banged it on the car door!!!!)
i'm taking chem 3, which i'm not attending for 3 weeks, what about that
i'm not taking marine bio coz i'm going somewhere this coming september
my GPA's ok, i mean i can still get the magna award...
91 credits left, and i'll be graduating!!! walah!!!

one of our instructors here in IWM kept on telling me to apply for medschool in LLU. i'm happy for his persistence in telling me, or actually teasing "LOMA LINDA, LOMA LINDA"!!! ahahahaha. i guess i'll try to ask about it when i go to the US. i'm really focused onto being a real life missionary. i want to go to sudan and help all those people there, you know.

i miss food that i buy in thailand. i miss barbequed chicken wings, beef noodles, khao pat khai/gai, pringles from lotus, oreo from lotus, kfc, sizzlers, i even miss MC caf food!!! imagine that, that's how desperate i am!!! ahahahah!!! let me see, i also miss buying mp3 cd's in pantip, shopping in pratunam and going to MBK!!! i definitely don't miss buying dvd's though. dvd here is cheaper, i mean way cheaper!! imagine, you buy 10 movies for 350 shillings, which is way cheaper than baht!!! aiyah!!! love to buy movies here

i'll update laterz. i'll now go to sleep and snore!!! ahahah

pictures

2006-08-06T19:48:00.000+07:00

ok, there's the moon behind my house

and here's the 2 toucas behind my hotel room in Uganda!!

booyah

2006-03-29T20:34:00.000+07:00

life's the same

new quarter's on

have 16.5 credits and i'm lovin' my life right now!

thanks to sondang and joy for their emails, sondang thanks for the sms

still missin' mah friends

i'm a bit taller, lesser pimples, gained some fat but not weight

love people all over the world

thinking if i'll apply for a scholarship in Finland or in Union College in Nebraska

life's not reall messy but ok

hehehehehe

arrrggghhhh

2006-03-20T18:59:00.001+07:00

i'll post pics later. my connection's freakin' stupid!!! shoot!!!!

i'm ok, final exam's finished!!! finally!!! got an A in Bio!!! hehehehehe!!!!

missing a lot of people!!!

oh, i got this from somewhere and its perfect for my situation right now

Single and Lovin' it!!!!

just foolin' around here in Bara!!! people are still people, cows are still cows and i don't think that would change

i as washing the rags in the bathtub when i slipped!!! i thanks God my head missed the side or else i'd be dead. my foot and my leg hurts, as well as my arm, but i finished washing the rags!!! isnt that perfect!!!

feeding this cutie cat, with green eyes and all that. if only i had a good connection i would post the cat's pic!!! oh well

its enrollment next week, new quarter comin up!!! yayayayayya

to all the people i haven't sent email to, sori i'm freaking busy and all messed up!!! i'll try to make it up to you guys!!!!

*kisskiss*

2006-03-02T22:58:00.000+07:00

that's our house!!! hehehe

in chinese dress...

...

i took this pic of a bird from our porch, i was close!!!

i'm ok...

life's ok...

studies are ok...

Damn, exam week next week!!! i hate it

ok...

i'm going out with my parents tomorrow, just to get out from this boring place makes my heart leap with joy

ok...

on saturday the bio club will go out, go to kakamega falls. i'll try to take pics there (with me n it)
i just did their logo. it was ok, i guess!!! hehehehe

missing all the people who i know, in special mention, MC peeps...

roll call, nah, no need!! you know who you are!!!

thanks to sondang, daron and tina for texting me, makes my heart melt!!! wahahahaha

i'll post more pics in the coming days...just wait and see!!! wallla!!!

ok...

some kiswahili words i know: asante sana (thank you), baryako (how are you)

i forgot how to say "i love you", its so dang hard!!! anyway, i'll try to take intro to french next quarter!!! yeah!!!

miss all the peeps in the world. belated happy bday to my bro, congratulations too coz u already got ur work permit!!!!

ok, gtg... i'm still alive, that's all that matters!!1

yeahyeahyeah

2006-02-11T19:44:00.000+07:00

hear ye, hear ye, hear ye!!!

rJ's aLivE!!! wahahahaahahahha!!! just messin'!!!

school's ok, i guess!! pissed with how the GP2 teaches!!! sucks man!!! hate it!!! if you're a teacher, you should teach and not let the students alone learn about the stuff you need to teach!!! dang!!!

weather: hot during noon but cold at other times. its summer here, they said, when its winter, its goes to 4 degrees celsius!!! bbbbrrrrrrr!!!!!

people: well, mostly black, what do you expect. some indians, 2 greek (i guess) ladies. mixed race of teachers, which is cool!!!

teachers: some are already stage 2 in having memory lapse!!! hahahahah!!! but hey, they are good compared to those who have good memory!!!! my "caucasian" teacher calls me a "white" kid!!! duhhhh!!! they think i'm straight from US of A!!! hahahahahha

animals: the school's filled with birds, noisy ones!!! zebras are on the road + gazelles + antelopes + baboons!!!

house: way bigger than my house in MC. my room's almost as big as my parents' room!!! whaahahahah!!! have my own dresser and this cool study table. the only things that sucks is the internet connection!!! arrrgggghhhh

what else?!?!?!!?!? uhmmm.... nothing interesting here!!!

but pretty happy and sad at the same time!!! why can't the world be all connected and all that? i hate world geography!!! arrrggghhh

ok...enough...

btw...

2006-01-09T19:36:00.000+07:00

oh, btw, i'm already in Kenya!!! trying to enjoy life with the IBIS, CRESTED CRANE, HERONS, SWALLOWS and STORKS!!! UEAB is a nice place, you can stay out the dorm until 11 pm!!! library is open until 10:30!!! they have a restaurant inside, and the internet is wireless!!! if only i have a laptop!!! oh well...

kenya's pretty cool, but i miss MC!!!

hot!!!

2006-01-09T19:30:00.000+07:00

just came from GB2 Lab!!! went to this savannah grass lands, and looked at birds!!! first of all, it was hot!!! i mean, HOT!!! well, at night it gets COLD though!!! thats ok!!! that's all!!! i miss my MC friends!!! guys, i miss you all!!! i could kiss all of you!!! eeeewwwwww.... (as what sondang says: Gigik bangat!!!)

oh well, i'll try to fix and update my blog later, i have class now!!!

i'm back...

2005-12-13T11:38:00.000+07:00

well, actually, i came back about one week ago. i don't have a comp in my room now because the comp is on its way to Africa!!! mwahahhahahaha!!!

this week is the exam week. finally, i'm done with all my projects!!! the only thing i need to do now is to study!!! i'm so lazy to do such a thing!!!

on thursday i have exam, friday, next monday and on tuesday. after next week, i'm on my was to Africa!!! i know, the cheetahs, the giraffes and zebras are waiting for me!!! so, i need to get ready1!! wahahahahaa!!!

on my last weeks here in MC, i just discovered that this place is the place the i can call my home!!! just wanna thank all those people who made me feel at home here!!! thanks to all my friends!!! you made my life complete!!! some people are annoying though, but thanks too!!!

ok, i'm late for class now!!!gtg

i'm back

2005-12-04T21:54:00.000+07:00

after a few days of not updating this blog, i'm back!!! just came home from the philippines, my beloved country!!! i had a terrible culture shock in my own country!!! how pathetic is that?!?!!?!?!? i had a hard time adjusting to the fact that everybody in that place speaks the same language as mine!!! they talk to me and i just stare at them!!! so stupid of me!!! i don't know, maybe its because i got used to ignoring people here in Thailand when they talk to me, i don't understand thai, in the first place!!! went to my old place, AUP!!! i saw only some of my friends!!! i mean, some!!! i saw my bestfriend that now has a GUY bestfriend!!! hahahaahah!!! well, honestly, they look good together!!! many revelations were revealed to me when i went home!!! i'm not mentioning any of them here, its too public if i do!!! the bad part is, many people did not recognize me!!! they're just looking at me, like a newcomer!!! i stare at them since i know them!!! maybe after 4 glances, that's the only time they recognize me!!!! waaaaaaahhhhhhhh!!! so sad!!! and they tell me "you got thinner"!!!! hey, i'm trying to gain weight!!!! well, i guess they are right!!! i was about 115 lbs (about almost 53 kg!!!) when i left AUP!!! now, i'm about 43 kg!!! heheheeheheheh!!! i eat a lot here?!!?!?!? well, that's done!!! i still miss my sister and my niece!!! arrrggghhh!!! life is so incomplete without them1!!! (sniffsniff)

now, i'm back to this place that i would leave in about 21 days!!!! ain't that great (sob)!!!! well, i guess i'll just enjoy my remaining days here in this country of smiles!!! i'll update more later!!!

universal studios...

2005-11-26T23:18:00.000+07:00

if you remember in "Princess Diaries 2" these street here was where Princess Mia went to the small kids and i think gave a crown or she was the one given the crown?!?!? something like that. (during her parade)

the creation of the mad scientist, Victor Frankentsein!!! he doesn't look like the Frankenstein in Van Helsing!!! ummmm, i wonder how mamny species of Frankenstein are there?!

with princess fiona (didn't have a picture with Shrek!!! i was mad with him coz he smothered my face with his big hand!!!)

after the Universal Studios trip...lotsa fun!!!

set of "Desperate Housewives". we were about to check it out when they said we can't coz they're filming the series!!! so sad!!! Go Eva Longoria and Teri Hatcher!!!

set of the "War of the Worlds" starring Tom Cruise and Dakota Fanning!!! the set was quite big for just on scene!!! this set is only for the plane crash scene!!!!

tears...

2005-11-26T22:56:00.000+07:00

just this morning, i was feeling alright. i don't know what happened but something really made me cry. part of it is that i don't want my sister and my niece to leave!!! i know, i'm a bit low in some things. i tend to be attached to people!! and that's what i hate!!! i can't stand the truth that a person would leave me or even if i would leave a person. it hurts. its just that some people don't understand that!!! so good that my friends here do understand!!! and i really thank them for that!!! (thanks zhe fie, zhe deanna, tina, jojoy, julie, ivonne and of course, sondang!!!) some people don't understand me, and i'm so blessed coz you guys understand every bit of the things that i'm going through.

well, until now, i'm still this kid trying to keep her tears from falling. sondang and ivonne talked to me and told me that crying something out would release all the hatred, pain and sadness you are experiencing. that was how i felt when i cried. so good they were there to comfort me!!! thanks again. the bad thing is, that feeling of "crying" came at the wrong place!!! why in the church?!!?!?!? i'm so stupid!!! so good my eyeliner didn't ruin my look. oh well, i now know how to cry without the eyeliner scattering around ur eyes!!! when i went home, my parents talked to me!!! they asked me what happened. they were like giving me some reasons and some of them were pretty ridiculous!! they gave some funny speculations on why i cried. they said there was something behind it other than the reality that i feel sad because my sis and niece are leaving. well, i told them, that's the only thing. but the truth is, there's more behind it!!! i'm not exposing it!!! hahahahahahah!!! i'd rather keep it to myself!!! i guess i can survive even if nobody knows it! only one person knows it!!! i think it's safe with her!!!

so that was what happened today!!! nothing else made me hapy except, of course, my friends were there!!! hahahaha!!! oh, and i really thank God coz he helped me when i played the piano. and i have been asking him to help me in this particular problem i am facing!!! and he showed me what the right decision for it!! the sign may be a bit freaky, but anyway, that thing made sense to me to make that decision!!!

2005-11-23T23:15:00.000+07:00

Julie and I (with Tze Fie at the back)

After how many times trying to get a good shot, finally
Ivonne and I had it!!!

After the concert

ToToy and aCeH, aCting gIla...

quotations: they do make sense...

2005-11-23T22:47:00.000+07:00

Rainer Maria Rilke

Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart. And try to love the questions themselves.

Unknown

If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it was, and always will be yours. If it never returns, it was never yours to begin with.

Sydney Smith

Life is to be fortified by many friendships. To love and be loved is the greatest happiness of existence.

Albert Einstein

Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.

Herbie John

Don't fall in love with somebody who dosn't love you back

Vince Lombardi

The greatest accomplishment is not in never falling, but in rising again after you fall.

exams...they suck...wahaha

2005-11-23T21:56:00.000+07:00

had 2 exams today. imagine, for just one day, you have 2 tests, and its major!!! what the?!!?!?!? anyway, its done already. and now, i'm kinda relaxing since i don't have any exam tomorrow. but tomorrow, i need to finish the work i have here in the house!!!

i'm starting to pack now. so all my stuff are in the floor, waiting to be sorted out!!! i don't want to leave anything!!! i want to bring all, even my failing exams!! hahaha!!! hey, its a memorabilia, right?!

i did ok on my physics test!!! hahaha!!! and also in my linguistic test!!! i hope i passed the GB!!! life...

just read some quotes. just wannt share them:

"Everyone makes mistakes - the only people who never fail are those who never even try."

"Venture forth into new horizons, even to places those around you do not have the courage to go."

"Your life is not a rehearsal. Don't leave it without giving it your all."

Vipin Sharma

"Love the heart that hurts you, but never hurt the heart that loves you."

Jason Jordan

"True love does not come by finding the perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly."

I'll add more later...

then...

2005-11-19T22:30:00.000+07:00

the concert is now over. it will now be part of my "long-term" memory. i can't play here in MC anymore. i mean, i'm leaving in about 1 month, i don't think they'll have that same concert again in just one month. oh well, i'll come back when i'm done with my studies (minor in music, mwahahaha). but i really did enjoy the program. God helped me in playing that piece. my mom said (personal comment maybe because i'm her daughter, bias) that i didn't have any mistake. but of course, as the player or the performer, i know i did make some mistakes. well, at least i'm done with it. the string ensemble did really great!!! i mean, really great!!! i am so proud of that group!!! though they're just 7 of them, they played like a real big group!!! why didn't i learn how to play the violin?!?!?! guys, congratulations!! you made me decide now that i should learn violin when i go to UEAB!!! wahaha!!! (you guys will play the Bach, Chopin pieces. i'll play with you in the piece "Mary had a Little Lamb"!!! mwahahaha!!!) before i write about the "aftermath" of the concert, i guess i'll tell about church first. well, for the first time, i went to the Bahasa Malay/indo class. shoot, i was lost in translation!!! the guy teaching (i think his name is Frendy) talked so fast that i just picked up "some" words. then, he asked a question. Ben told him to ask him (of course i understood it), then Frendy said "Tidak cakap Bahasa!!!" wahahaha!!! but he still asked me. of course i answered a bodoh answer!!! i just said, "i don't know!!!!" so bodoh me!!! after the sabbath school, i sat with my friends (heheeheheh). listened to the speaker, looked at Julie's book about Jaime Jorge and saw his wife!!! so cantik, looks like a model!!! just admired another females beauty!!! i'm proud of being a WOMAN!!! aaaaaaahhhhhhahahahahaha!!!! ok, the aftermath (sound like for disaster!!!) of the concert. had some refreshments on the fellowship hall. took pictures with everybody!!! hahahaa!!! i mean, its an opportunity for me to take since i'm leaving in, well as what i've said, 1 month. took really stupid and weird pictures!!! but hey, its cool coz they're funny to look at. after that, went to the music hall. sang loudly!!!! on top of our voices (lungs...). after a while i felt a bit feverish, until now, i still have a slight fever. i'm sure it will be gone tomorrow. i still need to take the pics that Tina took!!! she had more pics than i have!!!

so, that's what happened this day!!! i really had a good time!!! it was fun all throughout the day. i hope i would experience that fun again!!! wahahahahaha!!!!

after one week...

2005-11-18T21:38:00.000+07:00

i'm so stressed right now!!! so good that the week's done. at least i can rest this weekend. actually, not really rest, coz i have some work to finish and some school work to do!!! on sunday, i'm going back to BAH to have my check up. i'm a bit ok now, in comparison to last week. but i feel so tired this week. i guess its because i had like 2 exams this week: Linguistics (just finished this afternoon, it was ok) and General Biology (i had the result already, i passed). and i also received my current grades in Linguistics and GB. i can say that my grades are ok, acceptable...

tomorrow night, we'll have the Music Rendevouz. i will play, wahahaha!!! i hope i won't screw up!!! i'm sure i'll be scared to death. i'll just pray that the fright will go away. i don't want to mess up that piece, its my last, unfortunately!!! i jus discovered that many people are moving to another school next semester or after next semester. pity for MC, less people. (and i'm still trying to steal some students to at least go with me inUEAB!!! so bad!!! hey, i'm not a traitor, just want people to have more experience!!! hahaha!!! i'm defending myself). so far, i have fixed the school things (past reports, handouts) that i will bring to Africa. they're ready for shipment. the shipping company will pick up our stuff on the 7th of december. so, i guess i need to fix everything now, so i can give things away and give my friends some things so that they can remember me!!! yeah, i know, its so sad. but, i'm sure i'll still see my friends here in MC one of these days. i'll just play and have fun here, coz i'm gonna treasure these things from now until the day i die!!! wahahaha!!!

one more week, and my sister and my cutee little niece will go back home to the "pearl of the orient". my niece will now say "Mabuhay" and stop saying "Sawasdee Kha". i'll be going home with them. we're leaving on the 30th of November. just hang out there, meet my filipino friends, go shopping, look for stuff to take back to MC and give to people, then come back on the 4th of December!!! so bad, its so short. but anyway, at least i'm going home now after 2 years of not going home. i'm not sure when i'll be going back after i reach Kenya. maybe when i'm already married or already a grandma!!! wahahaha!!! who knows, right!

i guess i'll just say more things tomorrow, i'm a bit sleepy now. and tomorrow is sabbath. So to all, Happy Sabbath, Maligayang Sabado, Selamat Sabat, Suksawan Sabato and Anseureu KwayLa (that's how i can spell it!!! hahah!!! so retarded)

healing stage

2005-11-17T20:43:00.000+07:00

there are so many things that had happened to me this past year. and when i say, many, i mean many!!!

i've been hurt by someone, and now, he already said sori!!! i mean, i know what had happened was something that happens to everyone. but, i felt much better when the person did say sori to me. i mean, i forgave him/her already, but i feel much better when the person admits that he/she did something quite bad. thanks for saying sori, don't wori, i have forgotten it even before you said sori!!!

now, many things are still happening around me. honestly, some of those happenings are quite confusing for me. i'm still thinking if this thing or that thing is really happening. i'm confused about many things. its hard to concentrate when something is bothering you. so far, i have been acting normal, but some things really bother me. its good though that it has not affected my studies yet!!! wahahaha!!!

in a few days time, i'll be leaving Thailand for good!!! i feel really sad coz i had made good relationship with my friends here. now, i need to adjust to my new environment again. i hope that before i leave this country, things that are unclear be clear so i won't be affected on my departure!!! i wanna cry!!! arrrggghhh!!! why is life like this!!! i admit that it is quite good that i'm leaving but why now!!! anyway, i think that's how life really works. your expectations won't be met, your hopes and dreams won't happen sometimes, and things you've worked on would not come out the way you wanted it to come out!!! i guess i'll just have to deal with it.

i still have an exam tomorrow. i should study now or else, i will be tortured in that exam!! *sigh* i did put an entry but all the things i just wrote are nonsense things!!! can someone relate with me?!?!?! i hope someone can...

mwahahaha!!!

2005-11-17T13:25:00.000+07:00

just finished helping my mom correct the exam papers on her Survey of Math class. i won't be playing the clarinet for the musical concert on saturday anymore. i'll be playing the piano and the piece is the main theme for "Forrest Gump". its really nice. it makes me feel that i'm floating. i know God will be there to help me in playing.

right now, ien is making some tantrum cries. she doesn't want to sleep. if she do sleep, after 15 minutes, she'll wake up again. so sad, my sister is very tired already. i know i'll be like that when i get married. i'm pretty tired right now!!! i want to sleep early again!!! not much had happened today. oh, after the rehearsal, Daron gave me this fan from Chiang Mai. it is so nice!!! so pretty!!! thanks Daron, i'll keep it even to my deathbed!!! :p

ok, i guess i'll sleep now, my head is so painful now!!! i feel like my brain wants to give birth!!! wahahaha!!!

pictures...

2005-11-16T11:21:00.000+07:00

that was how the moon looked like last sunday, early morning, about 2:30 am. the flash refelected on the eyepiece of the telescope, which resulted on the shining white thing on the side...

my cute little niece, trying to pose. she won't smile!!!! arrrgghhh

finally, my sister got this pic of ien smiling!!!! hahahaha!!!

that was how the moon looked like last night. my mom actually scolded me coz i was not studying, instead i took picture of the moon!!!! hehehe!!! i'm so naughty...

kaasar!!!

2005-11-16T10:54:00.000+07:00

la lng, trip ko lng ang maasar ngayon!!! may mga bagay today na hindi ko type. may kulang eh. i feel weird!!! arrrggghhh!!!!

may exam ako tomorrow, pero, look how good i am. hindi man lng ako nagaaral!!! pano nmn ako papasa nyan? wala kaming lab this afternoon so i spent my time studying na lng for my bio exam tomorrow. hindi exciting ang day ko!!! mejo boring pero i guess i'm used to it na. i'll just post some pics now. wala nmn kasi akong maisulat here eh. alangan nmang puro kwentong kutchero ilagay ko here...

i'll study na. hindi pa nman ako dying na hindi na ako makakapost here!!!
babush!!!

stressed out

2005-11-15T13:44:00.000+07:00

right now, i feel very tired!!! its just the beginning of the week and i'm already stressed out!!! i have like 3 exams this week. pano naman ako magsusurvive nyan?!?! (translation: how am i gonna survive?!?!) i just finished studying for my physics exam tomorrow. i want to practice my piece for this coming saturday but i can't coz its already late and my dear niece will be annoyed. i don't blame her though, its just that i really don't use my time wisely!!! i still have a bunch of work to do. there's like about 100+ papers here in my room waiting to be encoded. i promise to myself, i'll do it this thursday afternoon...

i just took pictur of the moon. but, i forgot to get my cable from my dad, so unfortunately, i can't upload it right now. maybe tomorrow, or the next day, or the next...

i feel sleepy but i don't want to sleep!!!! arrrgggghhhh

btw, i got the results for my "redspots on mars"!!! its something called "Purpura _______ Chronica". i looked it up in the internet and the pictures really doesn't look good!!! i mean, they're pretty disgusting!!! my "mars on skin" though is getting healed. most of the are turning pale!!! i hope it will be gone soon!!! i miss wearing my "cheerleader" skirt!!! wahahahaha!!!

aiyah!!! i'm really sleepy!!! arrrggghhh!!! i need to sleep now!!!

2005-11-13T15:18:00.001+07:00

That's the moon. i took it using my bro's telescope.

bored...

new life...

2005-11-13T14:43:00.000+07:00

finally, i have accepted the fact that i'm moving to a new place. after my birthday, i felt this urge that i need to start a new life. it doesn't mean though that i have to forget everyone and everything just to start a new life. i guess i'll just be who i really am and i won't be afraid to show it to others. who cares anyway?!?!?!

this is a new blog that i have. i promised to myself that i would fix and update this thing as long as i live. i hope i can do it!!!

so far, no person has pissed me yet. i have not been mad for quite sometime. no tears have fallen from these cheeks of mine yet.

i received this quotation and i feel that this one's really for me...

"As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let you down probably will. You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it's harder every time. You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken. You'll fight with your best friend. You'll blame a new love for things an old one did. You'll cry because time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually lose someone you love. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back."

cool huh?! i like it coz so far, i have had felt almost all those things. i guess that's how everyone's life goes...